He Pulls it Off

Not many kids can get a sunburn all over their body without crying, but this isn't your average kid. No, he's smart enough to realize that his parents' lack of foresight with the sunscreen could play to his advantage. Not many ladies can resist a cute kid, but a cute kid with a sexy tan? He'd be irresistible, how devious! He's accounted for everything, so it would be the perfect plan if not for one small oversight. He's a member of a prestigious club with an ancient list of unbreakable rules. I believe the one that applies here is 'No girls allowed'.

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You know it's bad when I need to throw in a censor bar, but that has less to do with his sunburned back and more to do with his saggy pants. Look on the bright side, at least he got some pretty even color. You might want to limit your time on the bright side, that's what got him in this mess in the first place. Now that we've survived our trip to the bright side let's look at the dull rainy side. He is going to blow his monthly budget on a couple gallons of Aloe Vera, several bottles of Advil, and an entire collection of Lifetime movies. Believe it or not there is a method to this madness. The Aloe Vera is to soothe his skin, the Advil is for the pain, and the Lifetime Movies are so nobody will think he's crying like a girl because of the sunburn. I hate to go back to the not-so-bright side, but if he's watching Lifetime movies he's going to need a stronger painkiller than Advil.

This is a Nasty Sunburn

Ok, whoever tried to trick me by putting a woman's face on this bodybuilders body can just give it up because I'm not buying it. There's no way that's a woman, I wonder if female bodybuilders ever get 'checked' to make sure they are in the right category? I've seen Mulan, and Mulan 2, so you're not going to fool me with a gender switcheroo. I'm a bit of an expert on the subject because I've also seen Big Momma's House, Mrs. Doubtfire, White Chicks, Sorority Boys, and She's The Man. I really don't care whether or not she wins the trophy for the bodybuilding contest, but I call dibs on the movie rights.

A Female Bodybuilder?

She's juicing. There, I said it. There's no way she could get a tan like that without a needle and a syringe. While there is a way but it involves massive amounts of money wasted on spray tans and she seems like the type that would go for a long term solution. What she uses is called Melanotan, and I don't really understand it so I'll call it a tanning injection, but I do know that whatever magic it works inside your body has to have consequences. For one thing, nobody can ever take you seriously looking like this, I know I can't. You've also got to consider the way it will affect the information you write on your census papers and job applications. Can she really check the 'white' box? I guess some people will do anything to get better at nighttime hide-and-seek.

She Must Use Tanning Injections

What type of party does it have to be for three people to strip down and cover themselves in fake tanner? A good one. These bozos wanted to see how tan they could get their faces so they put the lotion on the skin. Too bad they ran out before the girl could get tan at all, she looks like she rolled around in the dirt. Those lights in the back make me believe this is a modern day theatre production of Romeo and Juliet called Guido and Guidette.

Go crazy with that fake tanner

Bright Colors Moving Fast

Ok, first off I've never been to a full on rave before so everything that follows is purely speculation. Standard rave gear is bright colored clothing and glow sticks, lots of glow sticks. She took the bright colored clothing to the next level with her orange tan. I'd also assume, since it's a rave after all, that everyone is on some sort of drug. Not only that, but the drugs have cool abbreviations and multiple street names that could confuse a pharmacist. What does all this add up to, it adds up to a bunch of brightly colored people spastically flailing about in a drug fueled haze. I feel like every rave could be summed up the same way. It was awesome, there were all these bright colors moving fast.

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I'd really like to think this photo was taken in a trailer park so don't prove me wrong with some science or something. C'mon, he's got a tank top tan and the house number is 8. If that's not standard trailer park stuff right there then I haven't watched enough Dog the bounty hunter lately. So why is he making everyone jealous? He currently has the best tank top tan lines out of the entire trailer park! I may not be an expert on this but I think there's an award for that each year. He's only got 20 days left, maybe Dale could beat him? Really, nobody named Dale is currently living there? Then I guess it's not a trailer park, or at least not a real one.

Making Everyone Jealous

This girl decided to apply her fake tanner in the dark because she obviously missed a few spots on her face. Like I always say, the only thing worse than a fake tan is a badly applied fake tan. She might want to spend less time practicing her duck face and learn how to get her tan on.

Her Face Looks Splotchy

Even this girl likes Way2Tan's new layout! I got bored with the old style so I changed it up a bit. The engineer claims that it's now 37% faster, the artist claims it's 37% more visually stimulating, my manager states that it's 37% more cost-effective, and 4/5 dentists agree with those statements. Don't take the dentists word for it though, test it out. If you have any problems just leave a comment and I'll see what I can do about it after I finish the TPS reports for my stupid manager. Thanks for visiting my site, don't forget to have an awesome day :)

Way2Tan Gets a Facelift!

2 Questions

Switch Your Socks

Nobody goes with long socks anymore, just more proof that you're not with the times. Because of the increase in tan conscious buyers It's all about socks that stop below the ankle nowadays. I just made up that fact, but it's undeniable that this guy needs some style advice. There only two situations where long socks win over their shorter counterparts. One is during winter, but that's irrelevant if he managed to get tan lines. The other is when you expect to receive cuts or scrapes on your lower legs while hiking through scratchy plants. For that you should really wear plants, so that leaves only one time for longer socks and summer isn't it.

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Deena, Deena, Deena, didn't anyone have the nerve to tell you how stupid you look with bright green eyes? Maybe a natural green would look nice, but you look like the freaking Green Lantern. You don't wear it nearly as well as Ryan Reynolds, insert random jab about your dark fake tan and lack of muscle definition. He has an 8-pack Deena, what do you bring to the table other than green contact lenses and a cornucopia of STD's. Sorry, that got a little too personal but I've always wanted to use the word cornucopia and it seemed like an appropriate time. But how many items usually go into a cornucopia? If it's more than 5, cornucopia was the right word to use.

Deena Cortese with Green Eyes

You probably thought this was a bad sunburn caused by a swimsuit, but it's actually a sunburn from a bad swimsuit. I see where you got confused, let's call it an honest mistake on your part. What's the point of making a one piece swimsuit that has a giant hole in the back? Of course everyone is going to forget to sunscreen that part of their back because they'll think it's covered by the suit, that's just bad design. Somebody patch me through so I can yell at the designer, hold on, this reeks of upper management. They probably realized they could save a penny on each suit by leaving a hole in the back. I wouldn't allow that kind of penny pinching at my company, I run a quality... word limit reached - post over.

A Bad Swimsuit Sunburn

I originally liked this picture because of that left guy was pretty tan but boy did I miss a lot. First, the girl in the back is giving herself antlers, I thought somebody else usually did that to you. Second and by far the best part of this photo is the forehead on that girl. There must be some type of distortion because nobody could have a forehead that takes up 2/3 of their face. I've heard of fiveheads but this is a sixhead, maybe seven. You could land planes on that thing, and oh no she's got me with her mind control powers...must...resist.

There's more than bad tans here

That's the kind of tan you can only get from frolicking in the ocean while paparazzi snap pictures left and right. Kelly is definitely a pro when it comes to natural tanning, there's not even a hint of a tan line. Maybe she's not that good and her real specialty is applying some cover-up tanning lotion. I can't help but notice that someone's missing from this photo, where's Regis? What good is Kelly without Regis, he was always the star of the show. Sure, he needed Kelly to keep the sexual discrimination lawsuits to a minimum, but everyone knows the show would've been better with Regis alone. Actually, I think you need two people to make a morning show interesting, so how about Live with Regis and Regis. It's a morning show where Regis Philbin handles both sides of the conversation using nothing but his incredible talent and a blonde wig.

Kelly Ripa Hit the Beach

Spay-On Sunscreen Recall

So if you haven't already heard the news, this is now a highly respected news site as I'm about to break a huge story. Banana Boat has just recalled half a million bottles of spray on sunscreen after reports that people have caught fire while applying the product. Whoa, sunscreen doesn't prevent burns? I don't know what to believe anymore. It appears only 5 cases have been reported, and one involved a man standing near a barbecue grill and a woman working with welding equipment. Welding equipment and open flames? I think I'll be fine if I use common sense and don't stand near fires while applying something out of an aerosol can. New proposed warning label: Do not use if you are smokin' hot. Yup, I better stick to lotion.

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I'd like to imagine these are photos from the police evidence file after a tanning salon was robbed. Imagine the scene, two grisly detectives kick down a door because they thought they heard screams inside. There they find a suspicious looking suspect, and after they wave their guns around and scream a bit they rip his shoes off to see that he has spray tanner all over his feet. Now comes the hard part, 3 minutes of bragging about all the evidence they gathered without a warrant before he confesses to the crime. All that doesn't matter because what's really important is the ongoing love story between the two detectives. Man, that would make a great TV show!

Caught Tan Footed

That's a fact. Nobody would ever hire a pale fitness model for their workout video. Why just a second ago I searched for pale fitness models and I came up with nothing, they just don't exist. You need to have a tan if you want to wear skimpy clothes and pretend like a wheel on a stick or a push up bar is how you got in shape. I can see the Muscle Milk in the background, so I'm sure this is another ad for milk. Can't cows be satisfied with 2%, 1%, Skim, Soy, Vitamin D, and Chocolate? Why'd they feel the need to push Muscle Milk into an already saturated market. My mistake that's actually Muscle Milk Light, those greedy bastards have taken it too far this time.

Fitness Models Need to Tan

Spray Tan Reviews

It's always fun to take a picture with somebody who doesn't know you're only taking the photo so you can make fun of them later. You might think that's mean, but this girl deserves it after what she did to her skin. That isn't even possible with a single coat of spray tan, she must've used about 4, which is rather unkind to the salon owner that charges a flat fee for a spray tanning session. He actually lost money on that deal because she used way too much, now what's he going to tell his family when there's no food on the table? I'm just kidding, he still made enough money because she bought the monthly pass and only showed up twice, even if twice for her uses the same amount of tanning lotion as another person would showing up 9 times.

Let's All Laugh at Her Tan